i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
