What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
