guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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