I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
