god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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