why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Farmville is her only friend.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
