It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
