You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
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I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
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I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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