Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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