Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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