everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
