I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Don't tell me you're on acid again
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
