Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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