I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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