Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
