I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
