I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
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Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
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Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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