oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
