brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
