I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
