So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
