EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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