we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
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Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
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we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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