Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
