u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
