So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
