i permit you to call me
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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