Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
