i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
