respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
should my penis look like a turkey
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
