I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
