Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Loading more great texts...