I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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