I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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