i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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