thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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