You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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