I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
