If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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