No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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