I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
