The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
