they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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