It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
