In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
