he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
