Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
