lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
