Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
