Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Enjoy the penises
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
