It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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