I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
