They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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