I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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