I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
