Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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