dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
