ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
