I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
