i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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