everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
