My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
