i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
