Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
