Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You may now shotgun with the bride
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
