Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
