I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
