Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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