I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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