It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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