she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
