Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
