ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize