dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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