i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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