If i could tip my vagina, i would.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just want to make out with him forever
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
