dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
