It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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