Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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