Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
