I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
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