ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I touched a dick in church today
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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