He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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